Allocated day of sulking

Yesterday, my boyfriend emailed me on facebook. It was an email full of the nicest compliments he’s ever given me. It was an email to break up. He apologised for doing it via email but his mobile phone was out of action for a few hours while they changed his line (and he couldn’t wait til it was repaired and ring me, and I’m guessing his landline had been chewed through by termites too which meant he had no choice but to dump me via facebook). I said fine. Truth is, those little niggly things you ignore when you meet someone, that you affectionately try to rationalize as quirky, were starting to peel away my rose tinted glasses: could it be that a 45 year old man who watched mangas all day was not so much living a passion, but was quite simply a moron? That’s what you get for being politically correct. In future, I’m going to be thoroughly right wing as far as relationships are concerned. But still, nobody likes being dumped. Especially not via facebook. Out of curiosity I asked why, as he was the one who did all the running. No answer. Ok, now I’m getting irked. My inner masochist needs to know. So my inner Virginia Woolfe writes meaningful statuses and boots him off facebook. Tosser. It’s easier to just say all men are pigs. I think he’s met someone else, someone who is too meek or too uncaring to tell him gently that cutting people off in the middle of sentences to voice his own opinions is rude. Then not so gently. But even though I was going to end it, today I feel weirdly empty. It wasn’t just him I was involved with, but I got to know his friends and most of all, his little boy. It’s weird how suddenly everything just vanishes, little things like playing football in the park, just the three of us, eating biscuits in front of the TV, having pillow fights before we went to bed. So actually, I’ll miss his little boy and the complicity we shared. He didn’t have an end game. He adopted me straight away and followed me around like a shadow, and my heart squeezes when I think I won’t see him any more.

Yesterday I didn’t care. Today I’m in a shitty mood and have decide to dedicate today to sulking. I have pizza, I have ice cream and beer. One day, not two. I haven’t shed a tear and probably won’t. Tomorrow I get up and carry on.